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Submitted on
August 14
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the electric touch of calloused fingers against smooth skin
sends sparks of bubbling caffeine through my veins

really, you’re a rotten thing,
decaying gums and numbing jaws
staining the bitter, burning taste of addiction
in the carriage of my lungs

i can’t shake the taste of you on my breath.
teeth clashed against teeth,
tongues twisted and intertwined
whispers and desires spread through wide open mouths.

i’m addicted to you,
and the carbonated rush
that shoots straight toward my heart.
written on 8/14/14.

Title: caffeinated desires | Story: a girl addicted to a boy | Inspiration: Revamping and editing old poems | Type: Free Verse - Romance.



Comments: i've always liked this piece, but i think i like it a little better now that i edited it. feel free to answer the questions below! i would really appreciate it, including any other suggestions or typos, etc. :heart:

Questions:
1. Did you understand the story of the poem before reading the comments? If not, what did you think it was about?

2. Do all of the images make sense or are they confusing?

3. Did you feel an emotion from the piece or was it kind of blah?

4. What would you like to see me write about next?



Thanks for reading, darlings! <3

:+fav: | :+devwatch: | :reading: |  :writing: is really appreciated!



If you like my work, ask me about collaborations! I enjoy browsing other deviant's galleries so recommend someone!

   
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:iconautumn-spirit:
autumn-spirit Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
"In the carriage of my lungs"..I love this!
Reply
:iconseamlessmaiden:
SeamlessMaiden Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Student Writer
Aww, thank you so much! <3
Reply
:iconautumn-spirit:
autumn-spirit Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
no problem
Reply
:icond-e-l-e-t-e-d:
d-e-l-e-t-e-d Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The first stanza just sucked me in. Brilliant. :heart:
Reply
:iconseamlessmaiden:
SeamlessMaiden Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Student Writer
Aww, thank you, darling! <3
Reply
:icond-e-l-e-t-e-d:
d-e-l-e-t-e-d Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconwhisperedinsanity:
WhisperedInsanity Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Writer
I really love this piece!! Experimenting with caffeine is so fun in poetry.
Reply
:iconseamlessmaiden:
SeamlessMaiden Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much! <3 
I'm glad you enjoyed it (:
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like this....great descriptive words
Reply
:iconseamlessmaiden:
SeamlessMaiden Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
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